


Crushing Cries And Tired Eyes (Yet I Still Can't Believe A Word You Say)

by s1cklys0dap0p



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Canonical Character Death, another chapter 5 fic lmao, cause h, i spell it ouma not oma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-04 23:59:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15158024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s1cklys0dap0p/pseuds/s1cklys0dap0p
Summary: He lifted the bottle to his lips before Kaito could order him around again, and quietly choked down the liquid. He coughed and whined, but drank the rest as best he could before dropping the bottle on the floor.Ouma looked up at Kaito with an exhausted, lopsided grin. "That good enough for y', spaceman?"Kaito didn't smile.(inspired from a prompt on tumblr where stuff goes down just a little bit differently in chapter five)





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello !!
> 
> here's a fic........ take it............
> 
> inspired by this post on tumblr ! https://kaitobromota.tumblr.com/post/166732548451/chapter-5-spoilers
> 
> there are spoilers for chapter five, and it's vital that you've seen at least trial five's reconstruction to understand this story!

Poison burned hot in his veins, but the metal was cold under his fingers. Ouma shuddered. “You ready?" He breathed, holding himself up on the edge of the press. 

Kaito nodded from a couple feet away before silently climbing the steps up to the platform. The astronaut was surprisingly calm in body language, but Ouma could tell he wasn't really. Ouma's breaths rattled in his chest and his head swam, but he hauled himself into the machine anyway. He adjusted as best he could to not ruin the shot and laid still. 

The steel was freezing, even through Kaito's warm jacket. The upper plate was dull and gray, but Ouma could still just see his reflection. He looked tired. If someone were to ask, Ouma doubted he would have lied and told them he wasn't. His chest seized and he gasped for air for a moment, shaking and shivering. 

"Do it." He choked out as soon as he could. His heart was thudding in his throat and he tried not to show his fear. God, who would want to see their leader cry? 

Soft tears leaked from the corners of his eyes anyway, and he hiccuped silently as he thought of DICE and the outside world. What he wouldn't give to have one more day with them.... He hoped they were okay. It wasn't likely- Ouma was well aware of his motive video- but he hoped they were still playing all the pranks they could without their fearless leader. A half-muffled sob escaped him. Fearless indeed. 

The press was humming, waiting to be resumed, waiting to fall upon its untimely victim. "Kaito?" Ouma called softly, looking over to try and catch a glimpse of the astronaut before he started the press again. Yet, as the dictator trembled in the press, his killer was gone. 

"Kaito!" He yelled shakily, "Please..! We can't let them win-" He choked back another sob. Heavy footsteps finally became audible and Ouma nearly laughed aloud in relief. "We have to hurry it's-" 

"Shut up." was his only reply. Ouma opened his mouth to say something but the words caught in his throat. Kaito stood beside him, steadfast and confident as ever. "Give me your hand. We need to get you out of there." 

Ouma thought his heart might give out in fear before the poison got to it. "No..! Kaito we can't we have to-" 

With a firm hold, the astronaut seized the boy and held him up as best he could. Ouma leaned against Kaito like a ragdoll, or maybe a stringless marionette left on its hook. He tried to protest, but all that came from it were painful coughs and teary eyes. Kaito sighed and lifted the boy before he could do anything, and started off for the other side of the hangar. 

Ouma screamed and thrashed as best he could, but Kaito refused to let go. "Please..! Please, this can fix it! This'll end the game, Kaito we have to-." Kaito kept marching, headed straight for the exisal in the corner. Ouma could feel Kaito’s breaths become more labored as he walked. He almost felt regretful but tried to swallow it down before it festered. He thrashed and screamed noiselessly, accomplishing nothing. Kaito stopped in front of the machine and finally, Ouma lay still.

Before the younger boy could protest, Kaito sat him down in the controller's seat and handed him a vial. "Drink it." He commanded, making the leader hold it in his cold hands. Ouma tried to protest, but the determined look on Kaito's face sent the guilt bubbling up in his gut again. He tipped the small bottle back and drank the rest of the stolen antidote. It was barely half of what he needed, but more than nothing. 

Kaito walked off quickly and with purpose, and idly Ouma thought that he should be wondering what the other boy was doing. He was just so tired….

Ouma let his head loll forward as he breathed laboredly, exhausted as the poison and its antidote fought in his systems. Faintly, he could hear Kaito dragging things around the hangar, but he could barely keep his eyes from closing. Metal whined and folded under something- was the press on?- and he tried to shrink away from the noise. The footsteps returned. Ouma felt Kaito gently lift him and move him towards the side of the cockpit. His clothes were thrown in his lap ungracefully and Kaito lept from the exisal again, leaving Ouma alone. His eyes were heavy.

A tired sigh escaped his lips and he felt his scarf beneath his fingers, latching onto the worn fabric as best he could. He heard shouting faintly from outside the hangar and the footsteps returned. How long had he been here..? He heard Kaito jump onto the machine and quickly slip into the controller's seat. Buttons and machinery whirred and the lid closed, sealing the two away so the others wouldn't find them.

"Ouma. Wake up." 

A hand laid on his shoulder and gently moved it to wake him. The boy whined tiredly, feeling his body ache in protest of any movement, yet someone continued to shake his shoulder. 

"Ouma open your eyes." Kaito urged, moving the boy to sit up as best he could.

Ouma was tempted to just go limp against him in hopes he could go back to sleep, but Kaito's tone was too... serious for that. He pried his eyes open, dulled and glassy from the poison and lack of light. Kaito pressed another bottle into his hand, looking at him almost emotionlessly. 

He lifted the bottle to his lips before Kaito could order him around again, and quietly choked down the liquid. He coughed and whined, but drank the rest as best he could before dropping the bottle on the floor.

Ouma looked up at Kaito with an exhausted, lopsided grin. "That good enough for y', spaceman?" 

Kaito didn't smile. "I put paint in the machinery after thinning it a bit. It should look enough like blood that they won't want to go near it."

The leader was slightly impressed that Kaito had tried to simulate his plan at all once he deviated from the script. "And I got another antidote from the lab before the others could see me. Shuichi shouldn't notice it- I put the empty bottle in its place and it's in the way back."

Ouma leaned against the metal walls- much warmer than the press- and sighed tiredly. Kaito paused for a moment before climbing back into the seat and locking the exisal shut. 

"Thank you."

Kaito pretended not to hear the whisper, but the small hint of a smile on his face proved otherwise. 

/*/*/*/*/

A horrified yelp startled Ouma awake. The body discovery announcement rang out around the school and drifted, muffled, into the exisal. "They found it." Kaito murmured, and quietly settled down into the chair. 

"Now investigation?" Ouma asked as he pushed himself upright. His shoulder and neck ached from sleeping against the wall but he brushed it off. 

Kaito nodded. "We need to plan what to do during the trial."

Ouma rubbed his eyes in response and felt around for his tattered shirt.

"I have that covered." He pulled the shirt over his head, wincing softly as it dragged along the half-formed scabs that covered his wounds. 

"How?" Kaito muttered, looking over to the leader. He was too serious and tired looking... Ouma found it slightly unsettling. 

"I planned for this." Ouma dug around in his pockets. He wrestled a small, red notebook out of his pocket and dropped it on the ground. It landed with a satisfying thump. 

“What the fuck is that?”

“It’s a script. Everything you.. well, we need to say and do during the trial, down to the littlest possibilities.” Ouma flipped through the pages without actually looking at them. 

Kaito stared at him for a moment, confusion plastered on his face. “Wh…. How the fuck did you do all of that?”

Ouma rolled his eyes, grinning lopsidedly. “With a pen, obviously!”

Kaito growled. “You know what I meant.”

“Yup!” he chirped before throwing the book into the other boy’s lap. “Do some studying before the trial. I’d probably say somethin' like ‘cramming isn’t smart, momota-chan!’ or whatever but this is the time you got so...” He shrugged.

Kaito sat for a moment before deciding on silence and quietly opening the notebook. It was crammed with sloppy notes and doodles, edits in different colors and gibberish in the margins. “Your handwriting is atrocious.”

“I’m surprised you know what that word means.”

Silence fell over the two as Kaito chose to ignore him in favor of pouring over his notes. They were surprisingly detailed and strangely organized, some sections having notes to look back at other pages and clear headings for each thought. There were answers of the necessary responses to practically every question could think of the others asking during a trial. Tiny doodles spilled over a lot of them, and Kaito quietly fixated at some little bees by Gonta’s name. They were colored in different colors. Gontas name was in green, and yellow and black inks for the bees. 

Kaito frowned for a second before flipping through a couple pages to find another name. Himiko was inked in sparkly red pen, adorned with little swirls and a poorly drawn cat. Kirumi was in a soft gray, surrounded by little green sparkles and smiley faces. He looked up at the other boy for a moment, confused. Was this really written by the same person that sat in front of him? The same person who cackled after watching Gonta die, who taunted and lied and fucked with anyone he talked to. The same person who would claim to be a killer to throw the others off track, the same person who didn’t seem to think about anybody but himself.

Ouma had curled up again, half asleep in the small space beside the chair. His matted hair fell over his eyes, and his breaths were even and controlled as if that’s all he focused on. The same person who begged to be executed alongside Gonta. The same person who fell a whole floor and still showed up and participated (well... somewhat) during the trial. The same person who claimed to be the mastermind. Kaito looked away.

The astronaut carefully flipped through the pages, half reading the information, and half just looking at the ink. He stopped quietly as his name caught his eye. Kaito Momota. It was written in a dark purple, and blue stars stretched around the page. A messy doodle of an astronaut was in the corner, captioned with something along the lines of “i tried lmao.” Or at least that’s what Kaito assumed it said. The page was filled with notes about what he might ask during trials (Kaito didn’t want to admit he’d probably ask them all) and what Ouma needed to respond with. He read through it half-heartedly, sighing softly.

The last sentence caught his eye, and he read it through a couple times. “He’s the blackened if the plan works out- In that case, this page is unnecessary.”

_If all goes according to plan?_ Kaito thought, _How far ahead was this planned?_

Kaito watched as Ouma yawned and curled up slightly, before falling into a light sleep. So much for asking him. 

Pages rustled quietly as Kaito flipped back through the book, quietly opening to the first page. He had a lot to read if he wanted to figure the other boy out, and not much time. 

Ouma slept and Kaito read, and the remaining students tried to find the truth. 

Kaito looked through the window and watched as Maki and Shuichi debated, as Himiko was trying not to cry before the press. A shuddery sigh escaped him. He didn’t know if he wanted them to figure this out anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly itll be a miracle if i can continue this but i do plan to ! it probably won't be any more than 3 chapters if i do.
> 
> hope you enjoyed it !! feel free to coment any suggestions you have for future chapters ! i'll probably write this up to the end of the trial if i do write more, so if you have anything you wanna see, feel free to tell me !
> 
> thank you ! <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial starts (and stops) abruptly. 
> 
> violence warning for the end of the chapter.....!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my cat distracted me and i forgot what i was gonna put here rip

The trial was going surprisingly well when Monokuma called the exsial out. Ouma watched from the side as Kaito controlled it with steady moves, yet the machine still shook violently with every jump. The lighting inside the cockpit was strange- an orange-yellow glow that was so artificial and dull at the same time. 

The exisal jolted the two of them around again as it leaped behind Kaito’s portrait. Ouma nearly sighed in relief as the rocking slowed to a gentle movement. _Almost like an idle movement in games._ Ouma thought tiredly. The idea made him smile. 

Kaito quietly flipped through the notebook as Ouma watched the courtroom. Himiko was clearly scared, and Maki keeping her facade of indifference. Shuichi was frightened, but the determined shine in his eye hadn’t left. Kiibo was visibly trying to process what had just happened, and Shirogane seemed overwhelmed with the sudden new information. The leader probably would have laughed at their reactions if the anxiety bubbling in his gut didn’t make him want to vomit. 

Kaito went through the first scene perfectly, though it was to be expected that he could play himself. Flinching slightly as Maki called his name, Kaito turned back to the script and read the next line. 

The exisal threw the two of them around again as it jumped behind Ouma’s portrait. Overall, Ouma had to admit he wasn’t paying much attention as Kaito cackled into the speaker. He could hear his own voice as it left the robot and it made his head hurt, even though he understood it. His head was already spinning from being jostled so much (god how much poison had he taken?) and his stomach rolled with anxiety that he tried to desperately push down. 

Ouma giggled softly as Maki insulted him, and Kaito retaliated in his voice. The astronaut read through his hastily-written lines, before calling to show the video they had carefully crafted. With quick movements, Kaito shut off the speaker before stifling a shaky cough. Ouma blinked in surprise. He knew Kaito was sick, but how much of it had he hidden? 

Assorted screams of horror and disbelief echoed around the courtroom, and Ouma quietly moved closer to watch the other students on the murky screen. Shuichi was so distraught…. Ouma pushed the guilt back down before it got too far.

Something brought his focus back to attention. “-it only has play, pause and stop functions-” Ouma blinked in surprise before biting at his nail nervously. Fuck. 

He let Kaito finish the line before he quickly reached over him and shut off the speaker again. “What the fuck?” He glared at the astronaut, “You weren’t supposed to mention the pause button until later, Kaito. It says it right there!” 

Kaito stared down at Ouma with a blank expression before he pushed the shorter boy back, away from the speaker. “I’m not a liar, fuckwad. Let me do what I need to do so I lie as little as possible, or I swear I’ll smash your head against the wall.”

Ouma growled but moved back regardless, and Kaito hit the speaker. Ouma’s voice kept echoing over the courtroom, yet Kaito was the only one speaking. 

His heart thudded in his ears as the others already proclaimed the end of the trial. He looked up at Kaito, silently pleading that he urge them to vote before they kept on about the facts they didn’t know. (Who was Junko? The Remnants of Despair? He didn’t want them to go any farther.)

And then Kaito deviated, setting the book to the side, creating his lines as he spoke. Ouma panicked and tugged at the astronaut’s arm harshly until the speaker was shut off with an audible pop. The students outside were yelling, arguing incomprehensibly and Ouma’s thoughts felt the same way. 

“What the fuck?” He cried, “That was the perfect opportunity to get them to vote!” Ouma’s thoughts turned to static as he panicked, pulling at his hair slightly in fear. Fuck, they were back on the safety functions. Fuck fuck fuck it was going on too long this wasn’t good they-

Kaito pushed him off with a rough shove and a growl. “What’s done is done. Don’t touch me and let me do this. I can do it without your help, I’m not a child.”

Ouma’s breath hitched in his throat and he moved backwards, trying to desperately grab any air back before the panic set in any further. He needed to focus. Kaito couldn’t ruin this for him. His fingers clutched at the worn fabric of his scarf (he wished he had a replacement) and he sat back in a tired heap. 

Debates raged on outside and he watched as Kaito jumped into a couple with cackles and grins, steering their debate back onto the culprit being open. Maybe the astronaut could actually do this… 

Ouma sat back and watched silently as the others debated. The crossbow, the arrows, the bloodstain. 

“This exisal has a voice changer.” Kokichi was awake then. He glared at Kaito, trying to move over him and slam his fist down on the speaker’s power button. He choked slightly as Kaito elbowed him in the neck (a feat which would have been impressive in anywhere but this tiny cockpit) and Kaito shoved him back again with a sharp push. The astronaut kept speaking and trying to keep the furious leader from the buttons. The exisal jumped and jostled the two again as it stood behind Kaito’s portrait. 

The jostling gave the leader the advantage he needed. Kaito tried to steady himself while the exisal shook, but Ouma wasn’t going to give up so easily. With an angry shout, Ouma managed to hit the button, effectively shutting Kaito’s voice off with a satisfying click. 

Kaito looked down at the leader, face blank for a moment before flooding with anger. He tried to tackle the shorter boy and Ouma jumped at the chance. Kaito threw his weight onto Ouma but the other boy had already moved, and Kaito’s shoulder only glanced against his leg before it hit the metal floor. Ouma cackled triumphantly as he hoisted himself up onto the seat and pushed Kaito away the best he could. 

Outside the exisal was no calmer. The remaining students were yelling their arguments and pointing fingers as they tried desperately to catch a killer. The angry shouts of who was the ‘right’ victim filled the courtroom. Ouma looked outside for a moment, distracted by the fight.

With a shout, Kaito tried to push Ouma out of the seat and almost succeeded. The leader grabbed the worn leather in panic and refused to move, kicking and thrashing as he tried to move the older boy off. A well-placed kick hit Kaito’s shoulder and he reeled back just enough for Ouma to gain the upper hand. He grinned and opened his mouth to speak.

Pain radiated in waves from his cheek, and Ouma gasped in shock. The brutal punch caught him off guard (fuck man the bruise from the first one hadn’t even left yet). Kaito shoved him back, but Ouma fell into the control panel instead of the small space beside the seat as planned. He yelped as switches dug into his back, but Kaito wasn’t noticing.

Ouma thrashed and tried to kick him again but Kaito was taking none of it. Fueled by anger, (and likely not much else, he seemed to have forgotten why they had started fighting) the astronaut tried to push Ouma back again. Ouma yelled angrily and tried to throw a punch of his own, but there was little strength behind it. Kaito shoved Ouma into the panel again, panting shakily as he watched the other give up. 

Ouma couldn’t think. His head was spinning and his chest wouldn’t move, and no matter how much he struggled he couldn’t drag any air into his lungs. His nails scrabbled at the edge of the control panel as he panicked, leaving silvery scratches in the metal. He stared up at the sloping ceiling, trying desperately just to hold onto a thought. 

Switches dug into his wound and blood soaked into the panel. Kaito moved into the seat, angrily demanding that Ouma move before he made him. He went to grab at his shirt and yanked a fistful of fabric forward before anything dawned upon him. 

Ouma’s head lolled backwards and he sucked in a gasping breath, his chest shuddering and form shaking as Kaito lifted him for the second time in two days. Blood dripped slowly from the wound, soaking his shirt again and splattering on the panel. The controls sparked and the lights flickered slightly and Kaito’s heart dropped into his stomach.

Ouma grabbed at Kaito’s hands weakly, scratching and trying to pry his fingers from the fabric in panic. Kaito gasped slightly as Ouma raked a nail harshly against his hand and his grip loosened, sending the leader to collapse in a heap on the ground. Ouma panted shakily and laid his head against the ground, trying desperately to block out the pain. 

The exisal’s control panel sparked again and Kaito jumped back in surprise. The monitor distorted and their view of the courtroom clouded and pixelated, and the speakers letting them hear the outside voices as they popped in and out, crackling and ominous. The speaker button was still off, its light blinking cheerily in standby as it waited to be reactivated. 

Kaito took a firm grip on the controls and tried to pull the exisal back a few steps. The machine creaked and whined, and it stumbled back like a wounded animal. Kaito yelped as it shook and stumbled, trying desperately to get it to stand still. 

With a low metal groaning, the exisal came to a shuddering stop. The lights flickered. His breath caught in his chest as he watched the door’s lock, terrified it would release and this would ruin their entire plan. But it held, and the machine stood still and quiet. 

The speakers popped back into life and for a moment, all Kaito could hear were nonsensical screams and curses. The monitor cleared slightly and slowly focused on the courtroom again. Portraits and podiums were in smashed heaps on the ground and the carpeted floor was torn. The tiles beside it were cracked and ripped up, but the damage seemed to be concentrated on only half of the room. 

His classmates stood on the opposite sides behind the stands, staring up at the machine in confusion and horror. 

Kaito winced and carefully pressed the speaker on. It crackled and popped for a moment before he spoke. The words came out in a strange, garbled mess of Kaito’s voice and Ouma’s voice, switching between the two mid-word and making it nearly incomprehensible.

“Sorry about that.” He grinned nervously and scratched the back of his head, glad the others couldn’t see him. “Technical difficulties.”

Shouts thundered through the speakers and Kaito pressed his hands to his ears. He hoped there was volume control somewhere in this machine, and that it fucking worked. His ears rang. 

Ouma groaned softly from the ground, and laid still again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heres another one.............................. i used a couple suggestions and compromised on a couple so i hope y'all liked it !!
> 
> there will be another chapter if i can.. lmao hopefully i will but it probably(?) wont be a next day thing like this one ;; sorry lmao but u never know also
> 
> thanks for reading tho !! <3


	3. chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: ah yeah idk man i want this to be lighthearted tbh  
> also me, fucking that up: eh here's some angst

The best parts of this trial, in Ouma’s mind, were the parts when he was asleep. He didn't have to worry about Kaito’s improv or the outcome, about an execution or a mastermind. He could dream. He’d dream about DICE and their pranks, about long nights where the small group would sit up and tell stories and eat sweets. Kokichi missed them terribly, and when the sounds of the trial started to break into his dream, his heart dropped. Why couldn’t he just sleep? 

His back ached as he pulled himself up, blinking the sleep from his eyes. Kaito sat in the controller’s seat, yelling into the microphone. The outside voices were yelling back in an incomprehensible jumble of syllables and tones, and Ouma wondered if they were really saying anything at all. 

Time wasn’t working, apparently, because the next time the leader blinked, Kaito was leaning back into the chair. The microphone was turned off again and the astronaut was stifling the wet coughs he didn’t often hide well. Ouma opened his mouth to say something snarky, hoping for a reaction from the other boy. It never came. 

Ouma frowned and tried again, speaking louder and more mockingly, but Kaito didn’t even blink. The leader screamed, angry and hostile and frustrated, but nothing came. He coughed tiredly and let his head hit the floor with a satisfying thunk in defeat. It didn’t do much other than stir nausea up in his gut, but some part of Ouma appreciated the try. He blinked again. 

The next time he lifted his head, Kaito was rustling through pages. The words coming in from the speakers didn’t make much sense- paint, despair, punishments, deaths and a lot of poison, supposedly. The panic was visible in Kaito’s movements, which were shaky and heavily forced, his jaw clenched in determination. Ouma didn’t know how he could do that... Stay so... calm under pressure without hiding or running. His mind called him a coward, and he squeezed his eyes shut again. He wasn’t a coward, was he…? 

He really woke, properly, close to the trial’s end. Ouma could hear the finality in their voices as they debated the last points. As Shuichi laid out the case in words as simple as reading a recipe for cake. Kaito was grinning, victorious and happy. Had they won..? 

“Is it over?” Ouma mumbled, pulling himself up into a seated position.

Kaito looked over for a minute, panic on his features before hey softened. “Yeah. They’ll be voting in a moment.”

Ouma watched the lights on the control panel. Half were off and broken- was that why it was so warm?- but the mic was switched to off. Good. 

“Who’s the killer?” He drawled, trying to wake himself and clear the fuzz in his brain.

Kaito chuckled. “Oh didn’t you hear? You killed me this afternoon, Ouma Kokichi.”

Relief flooded through his veins. “We did it..?” He breathed.

Kaito nodded, and the high-pitched grating Monokuma passed off as a voice came through the speakers. Machinery whirred and the voting screens appeared….

“I… I have something to say before we go any further.” Shuichi.

“No…” Kaito breathed.

“I was lying…. I’m so sorry I-”

Ouma’s blood ran cold. “He figured it out.” His body trembled despite him, and had he been standing, he was sure he would have fallen. “Holy fucking hell he’s going to fuck this whole thing up.”

The detective didn't stop and Kaito looked on the verge of punching something, but if it was Ouma or his sidekick, he wasn’t sure. The astronaut threw the punch into the side of the machine with a loud roar, and the exisal shook. 

“Kaito!” Ouma yelped, “Stop before you fuck this up more!”

Well, he thought he said that, or at least something along those lines. Maybe he hadn’t, because Kaito didn’t seem to hear him. He threw another anger-fueled punch into the wall. The metal groaned and popped and dented, but the astronaut didn’t stop. Ouma’s heart crawled into his throat.

His plan shattered around him at that moment, both figuratively and literally, he supposed. Another punch sent the lights flickering, and a fourth and final one set off an ear-splitting alarm that made Ouma’s head ring. Kaito stepped back, but the machine didn’t care. The exisal creaked and shrieked and crumbled around the “murderer” and “victim” and collapsed into the center of the courtroom with a heavy _boom_.

Ouma’s head spun and his vision fuzzed and blackened as he laid against the wall-become-floor of the exisal. Kaito lay sprawled out beside him, anger swirling in his eyes and pain glazed beneath. He coughed a spray of blood to his side, decorating the metal with glistening pink splatters. Ouma’s stomach rolled and he turned away as Kaito hacked and shook. He closed his eyes. 

When Ouma opened them again, Kaito was shaking his shoulder and mumbling something. Ouma tried to say something in response, but he wasn’t quite sure what came out. Kaito didn’t seem to understand him either, but pulled on his pale hand and yanked him into a shaky standing position beside him. The astronaut’s foot went through the glass and the exisal opened, the bright courtroom lights blinding the two for a moment. 

The sight, once they could see past the light, was disheartening, to say the least. Kiibo was yelling. Maki was holding back tears. Himiko was shaking, Shirogane was wide-eyed in shock. Shuichi was. Shuichi looked… disappointed. 

Ouma’s eyes fell to the cracked tiles. They crunched beneath his shoes, and Ouma shifted his weight slightly to feel the shards pop some more. He liked the feel of the slivers crushing into dust. He leaned forward. He supposed he must have overestimated because Kaito’s hold on his arm suddenly wasn’t there and his knee was slamming into the floor. He didn’t have time to react before the rest of his body followed, sprawling out on the cold tile. 

He hoped he might get a response from someone, but Kaito seemed to be the only one that showed slight concern when Ouma managed to look up at the others. His vision was swimming and blurring and he wished the ringing would just go away already so he could hear anyone. He closed his eyes and sighed tiredly, letting himself relax as much as he could into the ground. Ouma focused on the ringing, trying half-heartedly to hear anything else.

It was coughing that he heard first. Horrible, wet, agonized hacking and yelling and sobbing and oh god was that Maki crying? He pushed himself up on trembling arms, watching Kaito choke on his own blood. Ouma’s head spun and he tried to keep himself up. Maki was sobbing, kneeling beside Kaito and begging him for the impossible, while Shuichi stood more still than Ouma had ever seen him before. The detective’s shoulders were shaking and he was trying so hard not to cry, but the small fidgeting had stopped. 

Ouma didn’t remember much after that. He remembers watching Kaito die as best he could from Kiibo’s arms. He wasn’t sure why he needed to watch, but his stomach turned and he wasn’t sure the nausea was from the poison anymore. Kiibo kept a firm hold on Ouma as he protested quietly, and no matter how much the smaller boy squirmed, Kiibo didn’t budge an inch. The elevator doors closed and Ouma watched Kaito until he couldn’t see the astronaut anymore. He closed his eyes. 

\---

A cool cloth was slipping off his head when Ouma woke the next time, and Himiko slept in a chair beside him. Her cheeks were red from crying. Ouma looked around, dimly trying to figure out where he was, but his head was too fuzzy and his thoughts wouldn't string together in any order that made sense. His chest was tight and his eyes were teary and he didn’t know why he was crying but suddenly he was, stifling shaky breaths into his hands and turning away from the napping mage. He shook slightly, breathing as evenly as he could until his tears stopped. He could feel her eyes on his back, pity burning into his mind, but exhaustion took him again before he could try and fix it.

\---  
Saihara woke him with a gentle touch and soft words. Ouma watched him with tired eyes as the detective bandaged his arm and talked quietly about what he had missed as he slept. He didn’t really take in much of what Saihara was actually saying. Something concussion something something mastermind something... He looked around the detective’s room- he’d finally figured that out after a couple guesses- and watched the others talk quietly in the corner. Maki watched Ouma with narrowed eyes, and he could feel the blame she placed on him. 

He’d failed. His mind waded through slowly, already scrambling to figure out another plan. He couldn’t let this happen. He needed this to stop he needed to end the killing game he couldn’t live like this anymore. 

He couldn’t live like this anymore. The lies coated his mouth with a bitter taste and he was so tired of it. He wanted sweetness back. He wanted to be himself, he wanted to play cards and play pranks and hide and seek and tag and he wanted to be a kid why couldn’t he just be a kid? 

He stared at the ceiling, thinking tiredly as he fought to stay awake while the others were still in his room. He could do this. He would do this for DICE, he would do this for those who had already lost their lives to the wretched killing game. He would do this for Kaito. 

He had to live like this. Just a little bit longer. He could salvage his plan somehow. He knew it. Swallowing thickly and biting back tears again, Ouma began spewing more bitter lies at the detective. His voice was slurred and tired but Saihara’s tired sigh confirmed it. Maki glared at him from the corner of the room and he gave her a shaky grin. She turned her back, talking quietly to Shirogane and paying Ouma no mind. He could do this. He would do this. 

He closed his eyes again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there we go ! angst fic i wasn't making an angst fic and then it happened whoops,,
> 
> i might. do a fourth chapter but idk. kinda wanna leave it at this? but if i want to expand it ill tack another on hjfksfd. but for now this is probably it lmao
> 
> i hope y'all enjoyed this <3 !! thanks sm for reading <3 <3


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